


In the Light of the Moon

by FarFlungDreamer



Category: Black Widow (Comics), Captain America (Comics), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: WinterWidow BuckyNat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:15:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23817508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FarFlungDreamer/pseuds/FarFlungDreamer
Summary: Bucky and Natasha have had many firsts, this is a new one. Sweeter still admitting they remember each other after all this time. Set after Tales of Suspense #100 1-5, featuring Natasha's return to life. Bucky met up with her, when Natasha asked him to in her letter. Clearly in the new Black Widow: Web of Lies #2, he isn't surprised that she remembers him. This is why!
Relationships: WinterWidow BuckyNat - Relationship
Kudos: 6





	In the Light of the Moon

He wasn’t surprised that she’d asked him to come in that letter. He wasn’t surprised that they worked so well together. It wasn’t their first time falling into a mission together since what separated them. What took her from him. What took him from her.

James _was_ surprised she didn’t leave when all was said and done. He was surprised to be in her apartment. He was surprised she pulled him into her and he was surprised that they still moved the same together. 

He lavished her with attention, over every inch, despite her impatience. Drew it out… determined to show her how god damn much he’d missed her. Express somehow what so many years had done to him without her. To remind her of what they’d had, of how good it was. See if it was still there. James didn’t want memories to be able to break it… them.

That’s what surprised him, James didn’t have to remind her. Natasha knew just what to call him… they both knew _exactly_ what to do. Their intensity hadn’t faded away with so much time and loss. He finally knew lying there next to her, hours later, what he’d gone back and forth over since their trip to the moon.

“I knew you remembered me,” James said with a smirk.

“Who says I do?” She played coy.  
  


“Well you wouldn’t know all that if not.”

“Muscle memory,” she hummed.

“Bullshit.” James grinned, turning his eyes on hers.

“It is,” She said, tenderly running her hand over his jaw. She admitted it. He hadn’t expected that either. They stared at each other quietly, their breathing returning to normal. Eventually he didn’t want the silence and he turned on his side to be able to look at her fully. He just wanted to know.

“When?” He prompted. She graced him with a coy smile.

“Since the moon.”

“That long?” James asked, he couldn’t help but feel a little hurt. “Why?”

“I’m a busy girl, Barnes,” She chastised. “It’s not all about you.”

James couldn’t help that his lips pulled back in a frown. He wasn’t acting like that, and he hadn’t ever pushed. But… he’d suffered all this time. She could have at least told him. He wouldn’t have expected anything. 

It must have been Nick… after all she’d been through, after Nick and hers time together. _Friendship_. Nick had spelled that out in the dust… in Russian. It was for her… and he gave Natasha back what had been stolen from her then. After making James have to guard the Wall all that time Nick didn’t give him a clue? Maybe he just should have seen it. He didn’t, but why didn’t Natasha tell him? Why not just ease his own suffering too?

“Oh don’t pout,” She said with a frown, and he could see her grow more serious. “You’re a buzzkill,” She sighed, stretching out. “I needed time, James. _You_ should have told _me_ if you didn’t want me to move on.”

She wouldn’t ask, but he could see the question lingering in her eyes. It wasn’t about moving on, it was about things being real between them. He loved her, he would always love her. With her or not… but it killed him that someone finally tore their memories of each other truly away after so many attempts hadn’t worked in their lives. It killed him that it was to get at him. So maybe Natasha was right to be just as unhappy with him for keeping it from her. Just as unhappy as James was that she had kept it too. She was just paying him back, was that it? It felt more fair that way.

“I… all I could see without you was pain. It seemed a little better if I was the only one feeling it.”

“I knew it’d be something ridiculous,” She huffed, frustrated.

“We both know all too well,” He started sadly. Because he had to remind himself of this each time he saw her and wanted to burst and tell her so terribly. “That being told something and _knowing_ it… well they’re two different ball games. We didn’t both need to suffer the loss.”

“My hero,” She bit sarcastically.

James frowned, running his flesh hand along her bare arm as he studied her. Her sarcasm was darker now. There was something behind it he recognized. James could still read her, he found. It was just as easy, just as natural, so she hadn’t changed that much. Still… James knew personally what that did. It didn’t always change you, sometimes it twisted you around instead. 

He could understand now why she didn’t come back. After the moon… after remembering, maybe it was because of this darkness. Maybe she’d needed time to sort herself out, James certainly had had to when he first regained his memories.

  
He’d stayed away from what was familiar, because he couldn’t let familiarity suck him into one side of himself. James had needed to find it all out, every bit of himself, to sort out the rush of memories, of feelings. In all fairness, he wasn’t just one chapter of her life… they’d met time and time again. It was a bit to process.

James looked into her eyes, and he could see the anger simmering there. Or, was this darkness from after that? After… after she’d _died_. He still didn’t like thinking about it. He had thought that… that losing her was the worst thing. He thought having her stare at him like a total stranger had been the most gutted he could be. Having to talk to her and pretend none of it was screaming at him how wrong it was. But he’d been wrong. Natasha dying? Being actually gone? It had been far worse.

For Natasha, though… maybe this was what had twisted her up. She’d been through too much coming back from death. She was forced to physically change too and that he understood. Waking up that first time… before Zola and Hydra took his mind apart piece by piece. They’d taken pieces of his body, too. Not all of it, like Natasha… but, it felt similar.

“I died, too, you know,” He said softly, he wasn’t sure he’d ever voiced it. Or thought about it. It wasn’t a comfortable topic. Nat was probably feeling the same way. “They pulled me back somehow… after they dragged me from the sea.”

Natasha looked at him sharply, and he wasn’t sure if he should have said it. She didn’t seem to appreciate the reminder. He went quiet, maybe she was still in the middle of processing it all.

  
He set his head down on the bed, closing his eyes and breathed into her hair heavily. It soothed him, her smell. Just her presence. It made the complicated web that seemed to have laid over them feel easier. James loved her. Nothing could stop his loving Natalia. Nothing could, not lack of memories, not death, not time or space… **.** He loved her, it just felt hard suddenly, and it never had before. They’d always been very in sync, very similar. They still were, but he could feel her struggling and this time, there was nothing James could do about it. She leaned up slightly.

“Does it bother you?” She asked suddenly, and he opened his eyes to glance up at the sharp green peering down at him. Natasha touched his arm with a finger, sliding it down. She stared at the spot on his bicep like the contact had answers. “That this body isn't mine?”

Huh? Hm… because of the cloning. He supposed being together again for the first time in years might bring that up. He shook his head firmly.

“No,” He said honestly. She narrowed her eyes, as if she didn’t believe him. “You’re talking to someone with a metal arm and whose body is a hundred years too young.” He reminded her. 

“It's not the same.” She insisted. Natasha sat up and pulled the sheet up to turn away from him. That wasn’t like her. Did this bother her? He leaned up on his elbow and waited to see if she’d turn back around. After a few moments, it seemed like she wasn’t going to say anything.

“What are our bodies without our minds?” James insisted, moving to sit up next to her on the bed. “Hydra… the Soviets, they held mine for long enough… the Winter Soldier did.”

“That's true.” She considered.

“Then it's our minds…” He nodded, taking a moment to look at her. The moonlight was splashed across her skin making her look more glorious. “Better than anyone… you know what a memory gives or takes.”

She nodded. It still unsettled him, her question. He could tell she didn’t want to talk about it but he also… couldn’t stand to leave it unsaid. Natasha did just get mad at him for not telling her things.

“You’re still you, Natalia,” He promised her, pressing a long kiss to her shoulder. She almost looked vulnerable when she turned her gaze at him. It was all written plainly on her face. Something rare.

“I’m so angry, James.” She muttered, staring at him. “They took things from me this time. Took more than I thought they could.”

He nodded, understanding. She didn’t want to talk about it, but she needed to explain it. He understood. She’d been cheated, and she’d been remade… and suddenly, in a heartbreaking moment, he understood that they still _could_ understand each other. She was just going through something he had before he saw her again. Months of him searching for answers, tracking down those that tried to destroy him. Who did destroy parts of himself. 

He also realized that she was going to go. That she had to.

“Not that I’m complaining but… why didn’t you keep going tonight? Why stay one night?” He asked her honestly. She seemed surprised that he had understood what was going on. She smiled dryly.

“I have things to sort out, but James-”  
  


“Some things you can’t do with anyone else,” He interrupted her explanation. She didn’t owe him one, and she shouldn’t have to say it. Natasha looked surprised again, but then smiled softly one more time.

“I wanted one night with you,” She whispered to just the poor darkness around them. With the moon pooling around both of them, James couldn’t help but feel the moonlight was the only way they could come together like this now. 

_‘We’ll always have the moon,’_ She’d said…. Suddenly her hand reached up to caress his cheek with a softer look than he often saw on her.

“You were always my first, James,” She muttered and leaned in to brush her lips softly against his. She’d said that once before, too. He was the first to ever make her think love was not just for children. He hadn’t really understood that then, but he suddenly got her meaning fully. 

She winked at him as she stood up and separated from him. “I thought I’d make it official.”

It took him a minute. Official. With her new body… his jaw fell open. He’d realized she was so… and that it felt... but… fuck. James just stared at her stunned as she disappeared into the bathroom. Fuck. James let out a gasp for air and dropped back on the bed. He heard the shower go on, but just stared up into the ceiling lost for words. James just listened to the shower go until it turned off and she came back to him.

They enjoyed each other another time that night, and again just before dawn when she left. James didn’t bother to ask where he’d see her again… he knew what Natasha needed was space. Space and time to decide who she was now and come to terms with what had been done to her.

He’d miss her… but James was sure he wouldn’t have to miss her for forever. After all, they’d always have the moonlight.


End file.
